It has been quite some time since I have written any new materials. Much has changed since then, too. I know I am choosing a late time at night to write this, but it just came to mind after receiving various negative remarks about my blog.
As I venture out into the world for the first time, I am faced with a unique set of challenges; a couple of which I will discuss here.
One change: I got a job last month. I was surprised by this occurrence, given that I am a High School dropout, 12th year. My search lasted a mere two months; I was expecting at least five.
The job involves me working around a pool: Testing chemicals, printing documents, and the like. Pacing varies by day but is generally slow to moderate and the tasks are marked off on a checklist as I go. One of the aforementioned challenges is a direct result of me working in this position.
Most of my coworkers are women.
Since I regularly run between the deck and offices, this means I am in regular contact with attractive females of various sizes, though mostly skinny to average size. They also tend to wear 1 piece swimsuits around the clock, and certainly during the entirety of my shift.
This is an interesting environment to work in, as it allows me the time to check out the ladies. However, it also tempts me to approach them and socialize, which is distracting and ultimately leaves me at risk.
It is a bodily reaction, mostly. I do not actively wish to interact with these women; it simply happens, no matter how much I attempt to keep myself in line. This typically leads to moderate depression (and not the least of which hampers my ability to perform my duties).
I knew to go in that this would be a problem, but the lack of requirements for experience or credentials was worth the trade.
I was never put into a situation where my philosophy would be challenged so harshly (and arguably by my own hand, if not certainly so) over such an extended amount of time (often between 5 to 6 hours) before. A true test, and one that I seldom pass with flying colors.
I refined my views over this time. I know how I can change in an instant, and one mistake can cost me dearly. I never did fully train myself out of the habit of chasing, even if it is in the most fleeting and often superfluous manner.
I must endure. My life and financial security depend on it.
Seeing as I threw myself into the deep end (pun intended) working this position, I know I will have a difficult time keeping myself under control, especially when I have to juggle depression, loneliness, and self-inflicted pressure to level up in life.
One step at a time.
There is one thing, reader, that I wish for you to take away from this: Your beliefs will be challenged, quite often even. Be sure to understand that you must be open to new viewpoints; it helps you grow intellectually. The world has many trials, a number of which can be deadly for various reasons.
Stand your ground, or die trying.